The Reluctant MLM Spouse

Dr. Eileen Silva © 2006
email: ensilva@aol.com
web: http://www.easilymakingmoney.com/

You can sense it immediately. . . . You are talking with a prospect, and you are hearing more about how his or her spouse will react than how your prospect is feeling about the opportunity you are offering him or her.

You might have heard things like:
“My husband hates it when I go out at night for meetings.”
“I’m going to have a lot of resistance about the time this will take from my family.”
“My spouse is not going to let me spend any money.”
“My wife hates MLM.”
“My spouse is going to throw it up to me about all the other deals I tried that didn’t work.”
“My wife hates it when I’m on the phone a lot.”
And so on.

Let’s face it; either you or someone you know has burnt a few bridges at home pursuing an opportunity that didn’t work out. However, it is vitally important to win over that reluctant spouse if you can.

Years of experience with this topic have given me a number of helpful suggestions I can pass along to you. First, spend some time in a freeing discussion clarifying the dreams that your spouse has about where he or she would like your family to be and what he or she would like to do with the MLM time and financial freedom you could create by building a successful organization.

Often times, when your loved ones start “thinking big,” they begin to realize for the first time that your fixed salaries are unlikely to allow fulfillment of those dreams. Consider materialistic dreams like new homes, cars, boats, clothes, jewelry, vacations and toys . . . and then consider your dreams of time freedom. Perhaps you would like to avoid the commute, spend more time at sports events for your children, or volunteer more for your church.

Once you have fully explored the possibilities regarding time and money freedom, you need to put a star by a couple that could be realizable within a year (like a promised diamond wedding ring to replace the cheap band you started with, for example).

Let your spouse know that you are committed to working hard toward accomplishing the items on the family’s list with your MLM income. Reassure your spouse that you will keep good records to maximize tax breaks (more “found” money). Make a promise (then keep it) to coordinate your schedule with your spouse’s, compromising whenever possible so there is still quality family time.

Stop “convincing” your spouse through high pressure tactics and instead allow your spouse to explore your product line without forcing a success story (in my company, the spouse often loses a huge amount of weight, like 19 pounds in 10 days, and then wants to take over the business).
Don’t commit a huge amount of family money to back a business if you are the only one excited about it; start on a shoestring and work your way up instead. Realize that what will shift your spouse’s attitude is a different result than what you’ve had before. You can only create a different result if you get “tunnel vision” with a “ten foot tall and bulletproof” mentality.

Make up your mind, once and for all, that you are not going to quit unless the company goes down. Too many people only pursue an opportunity for 90 days or less. If I had been relying on big production in my first 90 days, then I would’ve quit my deal and missed out on the almost 6 million dollars we made a little later.

Your spouse does not necessarily want to “take you to raise” and have to indulge all your poorly-thought-through whims. Understand that you will enhance the quality of your marital relationship considerably when you respect and acknowledge your spouse’s negative thoughts about your endeavors. If you really get honest, you’ll probably have to admit that the first time or two you tried such a venture, your spouse didn’t have those negative feelings.

If you work on understanding how your spouse feels and listen on that level, chances are you will break down the animosity with patience and production.

Some people say when you really want something . . . give it away. But, if what you really want is to control your spouse . . . give up on that idea. Chances are, you’ll start experiencing a lot more of what you’re really looking for once you stop controlling and start communicating.

A good marriage, after all, is just a good series of on-course corrections and compromises… preceded by tremendous empathy and a desire by both spouses to bring more than 50% to the relationship.

If you are having spousal problems in MLM, then chances are you are having spousal problems in other areas too. An awareness of this will give you a chance to mend your relationship in a healthy way before other areas of the marriage become contaminated.

Remember what they say: “You could do it without ‘em, but you’d whole lot rather have them on your side.”

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Trading Glory for Dollars: The Art of Leading from the Back of the Room

Dr. Eileen Silva © 2006
email: ensilva@aol.com
web: http://www.easilymakingmoney.com/

There is probably not another profession on the face of the earth more tailor-made for the “average person” to develop into a stage seeker than MLM. From the time you take your distributors to their first major event on (and perhaps even from the time you take them to their first business meeting), many of them begin to long for the moment when they can step up to the microphone. In fact, one the first declarations they make is, “Next year, I’m going to walk across that stage!”

There is something intoxicating to people about being center stage. Actually, I find it rather humorous that while I hear many people declare an aversion to speaking from the front of the room, it never seems to shorten the length of their remarks. In fact, sometimes the so-called terrified ones have to be cut off by the host of the program because they won’t shut up.

Although the lure of being on stage for money has a compelling charisma, I would list it as one of the most expendable activities for any leader wanting to make the big money. You may be wondering why I say that. It’s because your best money-making spot is the back of the room as you watch your leaders flock to the stage.

The more your leaders get to participate from the front of the room, the more momentum and enthusiasm they will have for the event. Incidentally, they almost never find fault with an event in which they are a major participant.

It is important to begin cultivating them for that leadership participation as soon as you sign them up. Begin in small groups, like at a home party or a small meeting. First, they need to observe you (or someone else) and ask questions. Then, you need to coach them for a small participation role. When they have successfully mastered a supportive part and have proven that they can manage the clock, you will want to give them their starting role chance.

I first heard this “lead from the back of the room” stuff from my husband Taylor back in 1986. I though, at the time, that perhaps it was overrated. I was confident back in my professional teaching days that a trained presenter would be hard to beat.

What I learned is that it’s not about “beating.” It’s about developing, encouraging, supporting, and envisioning. It’s about accepting standards, temporarily, that might drop a tad so that they can ultimately rise to a new level. This fits right in with Taylor’s motto: “We build the people, the people build the business.”

In December of 2002, Taylor and I decided to host a historic Leadership Summit meeting. We had 55 of our top leaders come in for a 72-hour marathon. It was one of our finest hours. After a Mexican fiesta dinner and a tour of our estate, we held a Vision Workshop. The breakthroughs that began to occur there are still unfolding.

On Saturday, seven of our top leaders presented to the group. The afternoon culminated in a question and answer panel followed by an inspirational call to action. I’m sure the string of seven limousines we hired to carry us to a holiday party at the CEO’s estate added extra sparkle to the event ― but we are still at a loss for words to describe the power of the entire experience.

“Leading from the back of the room” is what generated that winning format. It is also how you can get the most out of an event while observing the responses of the audience. I would encourage you to set your ego aside and build up those around you. You may not see your name on the program, but you’re more likely to see it on a bigger check.

I’ve always said if I can make at least $30,000 a month, I can get by. If you aren’t happy with where your leadership has taken you, try stepping out of it and passing the baton. Trading glory for dollars seems like a pretty fair trade to me.

Here are some tips for leadership development:
1. Set and live by high standards;
2. Be consistent;
3. Know your people;
4. Bring out the best in people;
5. Earn the respect of your team;
6. Delegate;
7. Build confidence by showing confidence;
8. Project positive expectancy;
9. Create team achievement;
10. Communicate enthusiastically;
11. Have a vision.

Remember Mary Kay’s National Sales Director, Luella Gunter’s famous words, “Ultimate success is the ability to inspire followers to become leaders.”